How to Stop PTSD Anger from Destroying Your Family

Your most important mission starts the moment they walk through the door.

If you have PTSD, there a battlefield in your mind which means you go to action stations at home:

Anger possesses you and you do or say things you regret. 

Your apologies are sounding hollow and everyone is walking on eggshells around you.

The objective is clear: keep your shit together—especially around your family.

The 3 hours after your kids get home is a high-risk window.

You’re tired, they’re chaotic, and your defences are down.

Don't be thinking this is downtime: This is the critical Operation.

Primary mission: Being an engaged parent

You're a trained professional, reactivate your discipline.

OVERALL STRATEGY:

1. Treat Evenings Like the Operation:

• Shift mindset. This isn’t a time to relax—this is a mission window requiring high awareness and self-control. You’re not off-duty, you're operational, you’re leading a complex engagement with high emotional stakes.

Try to win each engagement: not by being right, by being engaged and by not being an asshole.

2. Your Agenda is Suspended:

• Let go of any internal ‘to-do list’ or need to fix problems. That agenda will only create frustration. You will not achieve that goal and you may damage the primary mission: being an engaged parent. Your new agenda: be curious, present, and calm with your kids. Don't solve.

3. Master Anger Surveillance:

• You need to become an expert in detecting anger early—before it erupts. This is a core PTSD survival skill. Use Anger Autopsies from The Distress Cycle framework to backtrack and learn your warning signs. Over time, you’ll install an internal anger warning light. It doesn’t always stop anger—but it gives you the chance to exit gracefully. You need to do at least 30 reps of the Anger Autopsy to wire-in the anger warning light.

TACTICS:

Pre-Engagement Prep:

• Rest ahead of the high-risk window. Fatigue is the biggest risk for anger.
• A 5 min nap can be a game changer. Experiment with different nap durations. Longer naps can backfire. 
• Propranolol (and/or Luvox) 60 minutes before the kids come home if needed—buy yourself a buffer. Luvox means less irritability. Propranolol means less adrenaline impact, so you're not as overcome by the emotion. Talk to your doc about these or similar options.
• Brief yourself: “This is not about winning, it’s about holding.”

Engagement Tactics:

• Drop any other agenda. Be curious. Ask questions. Let them talk. Don’t be the frustrated fixer— be a willing witness. They're too tired to answer questions, tell them something that's not a lesson. 
• Watch for the early signs of The Distress Cycle: Fast heartbeat? Tight jaw? Impatience? These are red flags that you need to become expert at noticing.
• Use tactical withdrawal: Gracefully Exit. Take short breaks often. Step outside apply a distress skill if you need it: Cold water on your face. TIPP Technique. Slow Breathe. Push ups. Stationary bike. Whatevery works best for you. Reengage when ready.

Debrief & Train:

• If you got angry —do an Anger Autopsy. What happened? What were the physical alerts? Learn from the episoide or you'll be doomed to repeat it.
• If it went well—notice that too. Rehearse and reinforce 

Need help learning this?

Start with the Surviving Distress online course from the PSYCH collective. Study it. It will teach you to see The Distress Cycle as it unfolds, that will install your anger warning light. Build this critical skill to lead at home.

The critical lesson of the Distress Cycle is free.

“It worked!”

  Royal Australian Navy member with PTSD. 

You’ve done harder things.

This one matters more.

It might save your family.

Link to course

Good luck,

- Dr Al Griskaitis (psychiatrist)